Thursday, March 13, 2014

Something I Swore I Would Never Do (In the Category of Mean What You Say.)

I swore, when I started this blog, I would NOT use it as a tool to whine. Looking back at one or two of the posts borne out of frustration with the 2012 Presidential election cycle, I see that I failed early on. I won’t make a bunch of excuses – if you saw any of that campaign season, perhaps you’ll show me empathy?

Truth: Early on, I vowed to use the phrase, “But I digress,” in every single blogpost. I changed my mind…mostly.

I really don’t care to hear myself whine, so the whining of others can irk me. Whining makes a shitty situation worse. Take driving the Capitol Beltway for example, or I-64E at the Hampton Roads Bridge-Tunnel: traffic at 5mph sucks. Traffic at 5mph with whiney passengers (children, spouses, pets, etc.,) is – after a few short minutes -- unendurable.
Long drive-thru bank lines, dumbasses in grocery stores, and bad drivers on cell phones – I could go there without any display of hypocrisy.

Lately, though… Without going into explicit detail, I must confess that I have found many things about which I could whine. This long, cold winter would make an excellent start, were I to go there. I was born on the last or the next to the last day of winter, depending on the year, and I’m used to daffodils blooming by now, dammit. Thanks to the Polar Vortex (@PolarVortex), all my spring bulbs appear to be actually waiting until spring to do anything -- first time in eleven springs at my house; the yard came pre-planted with no less than six proliferate types of Narcissus pseudonarcissus. This year, at this posting, I have tips of daffodil wanna-be’s protruding through the still frozen earth and two croci. But no blooming daffodils. In the words of QEII, “We are not amused.”

Also, I feel really susceptible to whining right now. I haven’t been sleeping well since January 1 (Happy New Year!). I have my theories why; I’m adjusting the routine, but lack of sleep makes me crabby.

That’s a euphemism.

On top of that, stupid stuff keeps happening everywhere: Syria drowns in blood, Russia invaded Crimea. A plane disappeared. Did I mention the shitty weather? What’s not to whine about? My best friend says there’s a bad moon rising. A Full Worm Moon  (although he had never heard that name before I mentioned it) -- so called because in March, the full moon rises, the earth warms, the worms wake, and the cycle, the dance, the raison d’etre begins again.  It’s beautiful, and yet…

College basketball has taken over the only two CBS TV time slots I bother to remember. I hate basketball. The reasons are complicated. None of them involve being short. My local CBS affiliate will be sorry I learned how not to need them, but I learned how not to need them always, so fuck you, play basketball.

Did I mention I’m crabby?

At one point, I also swore to never resort to lists. It’s Press Release and White Paper 101: make a list; people like lists.

If I were to do what I swore I would never do, the whine list would read like this:
1.     Where are the flowers?
2.     Really? Effing March Madness again?
3.     I need a birthday like I need gray hair! But I respect karma, and so I fear to curse getting old. Anyway, the alternative is so much worse.
4.     Why can’t everyone achieve the posted speed limit on the 460 bypass? Forty-five in the hammer lane should be punishable by law.
5.     I miss being able to digest bell peppers.
6.   I miss Dad. He died in front of me a year ago tomorrow at 2:15 pm.
7.   OMFG can't anyone shut the Tea Party up?

Good thing I never went there. Oh, and “Beware the Ides of March.”

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